Speed infiltrates 'Bad Boys'

Scott Speed has attempted to enter Eddie Jordan's television show 'Bad Boy Racers' it was discovered last Tuesday.

"The 'Bad Boy Racers' are a group of 8 young men involved in car crime in England who Eddie takes under his wing and gives them another start at life", a television source explained. "We believed Scott misread the show as a doorway back into F1"

"The first sign was when a Torro Rosso employee discovered a TR2 on bricks in Budapest.. At which point the team contacted us" the source claimed.

"We had grown suspicious of a slightly older member of the group who was a bit over the top. He prefixed his introductions with 'yeah - I'm a right Chav' and 'ooweeer - I will nick you'. Sure enough, when we removed his beanie.. it was Scott".

Speed apparently explained his actions from being from a "broken home".

Spyker for sale

Dutch sports car maker Spyker Cars NV might sell some or all of its Formula One team as part of a refinancing plan and strategic review, Spyker said on Tuesday. The vice-chairman of its supervisory board, Hans Hugenholtz, who has temporarily take on the role of CEO at Spyker said he was open to offers.

"Hi! My name is Hans! How can I put you in this car today?", said Hans, adding that he was reviewing a number of unsolicited received offers for the team or parts of it.

"The nice thing about this car is that it's safe" added Hans. "Look at Albers.. Not a scratch on him. Tell you what.. I'm gonna write a number on this here piece of paper here.. Look at it.. tell me what you think.. The price on the winglets is merely a 'suggestion', not a soft dollar deal. No sir! Only one previous owner.. Okay two, but he was an Irishman who only used it on weekends!"

Overtaking Plan is Go!

Formula One teams are edging closer to agreeing on a future car design that will improve overtaking.

The Overtaking Working Group or (Pick Your Nose Through Your Arsehole Association) held an evaluation meeting and have now agreed on the design that could be introduced as soon as 2009. McLaren engineering director and PYNTYA chairmain Paddy Lowe was proud of his team's achievement.

"I think we've finally settled on the most convoluted and uneconomical solution available", explained Patty. "Talks had just about broken down until Rory Byrne suggested a complicated system of cryopreservation; where a car and driver could be momentarily sent into a state of suspended animation.. Kind of like sculpting small lumps of water into the shape of ice-cubes.. Or just.. ice-cubes."

Tarantino woos old Bulls

Quentin Tarantino was spotted in the pits at Budapest scouting for extras to appear in his new exploitation film ‘Chinfestation’. Speaking with Mark Webber and David Coulthard, Tarantino was optimistic about the pair’s involvement. Webber however, went pains to illustrate the more altruistic motives for his participation in the project.

“Quentin assures me the working title 'Geniophobia and Fear of Chins', will deal with how the disease significantly impacts the quality of life”, explained Webber. “It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. People don’t know this but Patrick Head is a major sufferer”.

To learn more about our 24-Hour Fear Of Chins Program, please call 1-800-828-7484.

Irvine - "McLaren duo are babies"

Former Formula 1 tool-monkey Eddie Irvine can't believe what has happened at McLaren last weekend in Hungary. The former bleach-blonde-Ulsterman didn't have any positive words for the McLaren duo. He furthermore said: "If they were to make a sequel of the film 'Million Dollar baby', then Lewis and Fernando would surely be the stars. I'd call it 'Multi-Million Dollar Babies!' If they want to behave like men then they should do the following; run a multi-million dollar mid-level F1 team into the ground, bolster your entire career on the back of a fist-fight with a deceased World Champion and throw a championship away that was handed to you on a plate.. Oh and name your boat after your enormous.. I mean a snake.. name it after a snake. They’re my four rules of thumb. I was all thumbs anyway”.

Lewis tastes the Candy.

Amidst the the saga at Budapest, Lewis Hamilton has taken inspiration from his favorite John Candy film.. 'Cool Runnings'.

"When things get tough and lots of different things come into it I think about a film I really like called Cool Runnings. There is a song in it called Rise Above It, and that's what I say to myself. Get on with what you are doing."

Speculating on his near miss pole-position thanks to being held up in pit-lane, Lewis was philosphical.

"A true As you can see this weekend and today, I was quicker. It's a great feeling for me Ah sey one.. all fruits right mon.. Now naa badda mi bumbuclot!"

Rumours are circulating that Lewis' new found inspiration are a mixed response to Eddie Jordan's advice to "cool off" after the Budapest furore.

Spanish body in the shits.

The Spanish motorsports' federation, the RFEA, has voiced its displeasure at Fernando Alonso's penalty during qualifying for the Hungarian Grand Prix by arranging for an African elephant to take a dump outside FIA's headquarters.

RFEA on Sunday showed its support for Alonso, and said it will take all the necessary measures to clear up the situation.

"The RFEA will show its most vigorous protest to the international bodies responsible for this decision, and it will take all the available measures ..."