As a recent guest of BMW at the Canadian Grand Prix, pop icon Cliff Richard managed to slip past security and into Robert Kubica’s change room. Unaware who Cliff Richard was, a surprised Robert was left dumbfounded;
“Do you see someone you know?”, Cliff asked.
With a furled brow Robert said, “No”.
“Oh, now I remember. It was in a dream” Cliff answered.. “You were sitting over there at that table, except in the dream you were girl with black hair.. You don't wanna hurt yourself driving.. Make sure you stretch out those creamy hamstrings.”
“Piss off, you perverted old douche bag!” Robert was heard screaming.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Renault Counts the Cost
A recent Renault survey conducted in May, comprised of responses from employees representing a variety of sources including their race team, test team and factory based representatives. 60% of employees divulged that they had stolen from their employer; some justifying the thefts as “justified for lack of compensation for overtime”
Flavio Briatore dismissed the thievery as “petty”, but failed to acknowledge that missing post-its, paper clips and rubber bands only accounted for 28% of stolen items। One enterprising employee decided to rescue an unused J-Damper that had been sitting on an empty desk for over a year, while a number of ‘O’ Rings have turned up on eBay posing as a titanium backgammon set।
Flavio did admit however, that the biggest thing people take from their office is time. “We all spend time each day making personal calls, emailing, IMing and surfing the net for strawberry-flavoured G-Strings.. I think that loss of productivity is a much more substantial economic loss than office supplies".
Flavio Briatore dismissed the thievery as “petty”, but failed to acknowledge that missing post-its, paper clips and rubber bands only accounted for 28% of stolen items। One enterprising employee decided to rescue an unused J-Damper that had been sitting on an empty desk for over a year, while a number of ‘O’ Rings have turned up on eBay posing as a titanium backgammon set।
Flavio did admit however, that the biggest thing people take from their office is time. “We all spend time each day making personal calls, emailing, IMing and surfing the net for strawberry-flavoured G-Strings.. I think that loss of productivity is a much more substantial economic loss than office supplies".
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Quick Nick gets “nicked”
A still inconsolable Nick Heidfeld faced the German press last Tuesday over what he feels was a “travesty of justice” after being asked to move over for Robert Kubica in Canada last weekend. BMW top brass however were quick to point out the parity of the situation.
"You gotta swallow this one," whispered Wili Ramf into Heidfeld’s ear। “You’ve gotta admit, he stole it fair and square॥ Just like you did in Monaco 2005."
“You can jam your parity all the way up your ass!” Heidfeld was heard yelling after the press conference. “I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Juno’ won best screenplay!”
"You gotta swallow this one," whispered Wili Ramf into Heidfeld’s ear। “You’ve gotta admit, he stole it fair and square॥ Just like you did in Monaco 2005."
“You can jam your parity all the way up your ass!” Heidfeld was heard yelling after the press conference. “I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Juno’ won best screenplay!”
Lewis’s Walk in the Park.
In a sad re-enactment of Anthony Hamilton’s crash into a children’s playground but a week ago, son Lewis plowed his McLaren MP-23 into a Somerset pre-school at 3 a.m. this morning.
ITV commentator and F1 expert, James Allen likened the incident to that of Ayrton Senna’s fatal accident at Imola in 1994.
“It’s horrible.. It happened at three a.m., which is inversely proportional to the time Senna died at 3pm!” exclaimed Allen. “There are a lot of grief stricken children today, which of course is also inversely proportional to the grief experienced by Brazilians after Senna’s passing”.
Anthony Hamilton is said to be planning his check-mate sometime this week.
ITV commentator and F1 expert, James Allen likened the incident to that of Ayrton Senna’s fatal accident at Imola in 1994.
“It’s horrible.. It happened at three a.m., which is inversely proportional to the time Senna died at 3pm!” exclaimed Allen. “There are a lot of grief stricken children today, which of course is also inversely proportional to the grief experienced by Brazilians after Senna’s passing”.
Anthony Hamilton is said to be planning his check-mate sometime this week.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Piquet’s Bum Steer
Nelson Piquet is reportedly living in squalor in a move to motivate his on-track performances.
In a move to remove all distractions, Flavio Briatore has removed all creature comforts from Piquet’s life to help him focus on his racing, but GPDA director Mark Webber was angered by the move।
“The main clinical conditions leading to these sort of living conditions is either dementia, schizophrenia or alcoholism and we believe that a lot of the drivers have changes in their frontal lobes of their brains। No wonder Nelson’s struggling," Webber said.
Webber says more resources are needed to help drivers living in extreme squalor।
"When they have such severe problems with their thinking processes and are unable to work out what to do for themselves, yes, we believe that the GPDA should intervene," he said.
In a move to remove all distractions, Flavio Briatore has removed all creature comforts from Piquet’s life to help him focus on his racing, but GPDA director Mark Webber was angered by the move।
“The main clinical conditions leading to these sort of living conditions is either dementia, schizophrenia or alcoholism and we believe that a lot of the drivers have changes in their frontal lobes of their brains। No wonder Nelson’s struggling," Webber said.
Webber says more resources are needed to help drivers living in extreme squalor।
"When they have such severe problems with their thinking processes and are unable to work out what to do for themselves, yes, we believe that the GPDA should intervene," he said.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Who’s pulling Hamilton’s Strings
Lewis Hamilton admitted he regrets taking part in a pre-Turkish Grand Prix publicity stunt for McLaren title sponsor Vodafone, which brought on media mockery in the UK।
Hamilton was hoisted on to stage on high wires, portraying the Greek god Apollo, during a promotional event at the Istanbul set of 'Fires of Anatolia', a show depicting the battle of Troy।
"I thought 'that really was not cool.. Now I've seen the footage and it's one of the worst things I've ever seen” cited Hamilton. “At the end of the day I have a cool image, and things like that don't help… I’m a cool dude and cool dudes don’t hang from strings looking like Muppets.. Except Dr Teeth maybe.. Come to think of it, he was pretty cool.. Get Jim Henson on the phone.. I wanna guest spot!.. Whaddaya mean he won’t answer his phone???!!"
Hamilton was hoisted on to stage on high wires, portraying the Greek god Apollo, during a promotional event at the Istanbul set of 'Fires of Anatolia', a show depicting the battle of Troy।
"I thought 'that really was not cool.. Now I've seen the footage and it's one of the worst things I've ever seen” cited Hamilton. “At the end of the day I have a cool image, and things like that don't help… I’m a cool dude and cool dudes don’t hang from strings looking like Muppets.. Except Dr Teeth maybe.. Come to think of it, he was pretty cool.. Get Jim Henson on the phone.. I wanna guest spot!.. Whaddaya mean he won’t answer his phone???!!"
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Sutil: Pawn in a game of Porn
Force India driver Adrian Sutil said on Friday police had foiled an attempt to blackmail him after last month's Spanish Grand Prix।
"When I came back from Barcelona there was a guy who had the hard disk of my old computer because my father had thrown It out ..," the young German told Reuters at the Turkish Grand Prix।
"Somebody took this hard disk out of the computer, recognised me and he wanted to have a little benefit out of it," added the 25-year-old।
Sutil said there was nothing on the hard drive that would have embarrassed him if made public, other than "all my personal details, Oh.. and some pics I downloaded from the “News of the World Website”
"When I came back from Barcelona there was a guy who had the hard disk of my old computer because my father had thrown It out ..," the young German told Reuters at the Turkish Grand Prix।
"Somebody took this hard disk out of the computer, recognised me and he wanted to have a little benefit out of it," added the 25-year-old।
Sutil said there was nothing on the hard drive that would have embarrassed him if made public, other than "all my personal details, Oh.. and some pics I downloaded from the “News of the World Website”
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