A Ferrari spokesman has finally confirmed that Felipe Massa's Sepang spin was caused fundamentally by driver error.
Massa initially denied such rumours; citing that the spin was caused when the car “stalled aerodynamically after experiencing some apex turbulence”.
Ron Dennis was unfortunately not available to translate the techo-jargon to GP Specialist at the time, but Ferrari top brass are re-drafting their original statement that the spin was not “caused by a Ferrari defect” as Massa only answers to Felipe or sometimes Tonto
Cherish the night..
“YES!!!..YES!!..YES!!….$%@# YES!!!!… DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS FEELS???” Vettel makes his feelings known after his brief appearance on German TV with Salma Hayek.. or maybe winning the Italian Grand Prix.. We’re not sure.
"It's a rush baby!"
Rumour has it that McLaren engineers are under strict instructions to refer to Lewis as either Yasmine' or 'Pamela'
N.. I... C... Umm...
Nico Rosberg has vehemently dismissed suggestions that he called Hermann Tike's provisional Grand Prix drafts for Paris Disney a "Mickey Mouse circuit"
Going to the races? Catch a no. 3 tram from Swanston St.. It’s a lot faster than a Red Bull!.. Just remember to validate your ticket.. Max Mosley made a suprise appearance in Inspector attire and charged Webber with failing to produce a ticket on request, failing to surrender a ticket and failing to give his name and address.
Come get some!
"Lady Luck's a funny woman. She hasn't wanted to know me on track over the past few months but she certainly turned up at the Lubelskie Bowling Club on Friday. Maybe she knew it was my birthday coz it got me two spares and a blowjob!"
I didn't do it
The Hamilton camp say Lewis didn't soil Willi's trousers. Patrick Head backs this assertion.
Get it In-dia
The cyber sex revolution is being taken very seriously in F1. So much so that Honda have built a cyber-bot capable of performing 3,800 responses on all sorts of topics, but mostly sex. “Jenny18” is very horny and she loves talking to horny guys. and everyone knows the best place to talk to horny guys is on dalnet irc sex channels.
A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing
“I rocked up to Monza in a $80, 000 Jet-Ski!!.. You turned up in a Hyundai!”.. Hamilton's memory may be fading but ours hasn't
..Ohh the shame daddy!!......
'Massa've attack!
Ferrari have traced their leak to Felipe Massa: “I was just taking a nap and was lying on my side. My alarm went off and when I sat up, a liquid almost as thin as water came dripping out of my left nostril. It tasted a little a little salty".
Sebastian clocks up the 'miles'
After choking in the head-to-head German rap contest against Vettel, Rosberg dumped his pregnant girlfriend and was forced to move into his alcoholic mother's trailer. Sebastian faces off with Adrian Sutil next month in Monza in what F1 insiders describe as promoting lived practices of subcultural Germanic identity via the various self-appointed grandmasters, doctors, professors and teachers who inhabit its history.
You just got served
Whilst many in the paddock feel violated by Webber's remarks, Irvine is said to be taking things in his stride.. again.
Back to Cool School
The discovery of some seriously daggy music on Lewis's iPod has led the McLaren star to temporarily close down his website www.coolebony.com, forcing hundreds of his fans into Lewis withdrawal. Emily Bramwell of Snetterton was particularly distressed: ‘He always had a kind word to say.. You know like "You go girl!" while "raising the roof" to mainstream hip-hop tracks at cheesy bars. That's fun! I relate to that’
Who’s the Boss?
Like many leaders, former tv star and sometime racer Tony Danza has expressed his disgust at the performances of the current crop of Formula 1 drivers. “It’s like a bad sitcom”, he said. “Sometimes it's like watching a train wreck. You're uncomfortable, but you just can't help yourself. But some of those so-called bad shows actually turned into compelling television!”.
Flavio Strikes Again!
Onlookers were forced to soak their contact lenses in drano after Briatore made another of his "brief" appearances in Sardinia.
Mosley In Hairy Hearing
“I have never owned a moustache, and when I think of those who have done or still do - John Bolton, Des Lynam, a number of accomplished Russian serial killers, Peter Mandelson - I don't find myself wanting to”, Judge Peters said in court.
David Burns Rubber!
Adrian Newey's calls for a light-weight driving suit were met with derision at Puma's design office.
Kubica/Cusack grift Bernie
Robert Kubica's preperations for a swap to indie teen flicks have been in the offing for quite a while say some F1 insiders. Whilst Cusack settles down in preperation for Hungary, Robert will be soiling his underpants in a limo on route to a screen-test with Diane Lane.
Adrian suspects Mole
Ex-McLaren designer Adrian Newey is so furious that his radical shark-fin concept are being copied, he is now rumoured to be preparing an innovative 'porpoise' design to confuse rival teams but would not be drawn on whether he did it on purpose... Oh yeah.. GP Specialist is also being sued by the euphamism and pun statute council... Oh yeah...
Giddy-up! The paddock's all a-flutter.
"So I can put you down for a fiver yeah?" Webber has been seen around the paddock this yearin consultation with numerous F1 figures - leading experts to believe he may be an FOM bookie. Bernie Eccelestone denied such rumours as "unsubstansiated garbage.. But if it's true I'll have a piece"
Anthony Pulls Lewis out of Cock-Fight.
Anthony Hamilton has pulled son Lewis out of the much anticipated cock-fight between Lewis and Jenson Button for "private reasons". He also proudly stated that his Lewis had "nothing to hide". When asked if 'focusing on the championship' would have been a better answer he replied "Ooh.. Err..Yes.. That too.. Can we start again?.. Why not?.. But I'm Lewis Hamilton's dad!.. Screw you!".
Bourdais gives Aussies a bum steer
A promotional attempt for Red Bull went horribly wrong yesterday when Sebastian Bourdais insisted on pushing his autobiography 'Boudais - A Cock and Bull Story'. The four-times Champ Car winner is presently signing copies of his book at Barcelona en prision.
Old Man take a look at my life..
After being escorted from the BMW enclosure, Richard defended his actions by saying that he was "only looking for his lost Kubica Zirconia". BMW Team Principal Mario Thiessan cooled off specualation of a security breach by reassuring his staff that everything was "okeley dokeley!"
Everything must go..
Renault believe "back door" shuffling of resources may have found their way onto the internet but as yet have no leads as to who the culprits are. On a more positive note, Jackie Stewart's Mechanics Foundation has received a mysterious upsurge in funds of late. Stewart hails the recent boost as a "victory for disgruntled French mechanics everywhere."
Ever the bridesmaid
Heidfeld found it hard to disguise his frustration at Montreal despite rounding off a fantastic 1-2 victory for BMW
Prayer answered!
Timmy Jacobs (pictured) has had one precious dream: From the bottom of his heart, he has hoped against hope that God would someday hear his prayer to walk again. Though many thought Timmy's heavenly plea would never be answered, his other dream of meeting a Formula One driver finally came true Monday, when Lewis Hamilton made a personal visit.
Taking it to the Street
Nelson Piquet's Monaco accomodation left little to be desired and was reportedly forced to drink his own urine - bottle pictured. Piquet also hinted he feared for his life after being taunted by a local gang headed by Prince Albert. "It was horrible!" Cited Nelson. "He had Sato and Davidson in tow hurling bits of Honda carbon fibre at me!"
I’m no Muppet!
“This is Lewis calling Ron!.. Come in Ron!” Ron.. The earthlings are making me look distinctively anti-A la mode.. It means I look like a dork Ron!!!”
There not for me! They're for Max!
Force India pilot Adrian Sutil vehemently denies downloading pictures of Care Bears in compromising positions and e-mailing them to Mosley's (pictured with pants on) secret FIA account.
It's punk, but not as we know it.
Electro rockers Daft Punk say they will see Hamilton either in court or on the dancefloor.
Here's mud in your eye
Kimi's recent comments have angered upstanding members of the international porn community.
Robert on a mission
"You always have to be scissors!! What's with the scissors f***in????"
Springtime for Max and the FIA
Whilst rumours of Max's sadomasochistic romp are yet to be substanciated, tickets for Bernie and Max's West End version of 'The Producers' are selling like hotcakes.
Ladeeeeeeeeez beware.. A storm front is coming!
After advice from the FOM bureau of meteorology, Hurricane Bernie has been upsized from gale warning to David Lee Roth
Nico sells by the buttload!
Maxim's grid-girl feature was a surprise hit in Amsterdam.
Spin Doctors
Ferrari are reportedly having more trouble deciding whether Felipe prefers to be called Tonto or Cobra.
Nil by Ralf
Ralf's tall tales around the F1 paddock may not have landed him a drive this year but rumours are circulating that he's landed a 'gotcha' style pilot with Scott Speed on MTV.
Bender Pending Patent.
Bernie is so enamoured with Kimi's drunken exploits, he's decided to patent an online "Think You're Drunker than Kimi?" game. Press space to correct your booze error to stay in a straight line. First you start out with only 3 pints and if you complete the course you will be allowed one more pint before you drive next time.
Colin proves his girth.
Former Midland boss Colin Kolles has been disrupting Force India's staff with his presence. In the absence of smelling salts, it took Alan Jone's lucky red underpants to revive Giancarlo from his state of temporary catatonia.
Is that a banana in your wallet or are you just happy to see us Bernie?...
“The Octopus” Group in Hondurus” are rumoured to have hired "stand-over" men from New Orleans to speak with the Australian Grand Prix Committee. Bernie Ecclestone has offered the Australian organisers 'protection' from the group for a nominal fee.
No tienes un pito Michael Richards!
Michael Richards can clearly be seen amongst the Spanish crowd. While there was some audible chuckling in the audience, someone could be heard yelling,."No tienes un pito!" (You don't have a penis). Richards was heard to retort, "Quiero jugar en los pantelones de tu madre". (I want to play in your mom's pants).
A Klien Shave for young Christian...
Christian Klien's copacabana plans are on hold due to military commitments in his native town of Vorarlberg. Fans of the young heartthrob should not fear however, as his single, 'No Room to Rhumba' in a Sportscar will hit stores next week.
Competitive Toyota: Don't hold your breath.
Jarno's respiratory system had to be restarted via a nearby air-jack hose following this press incident.
We've got to go back!!
Michael's brother Ralf, supports Coulthard's plan to strap into a Delorean and erase his siblings glittered history.
Copy rat shown the door.
Italian hospitality at Maranello is also famous for its hastiness with guests.
What me worry??
Flavio keeps his intellect close to his chest.. Or rather his spleen.. Which is close to his chest.. His chest and spleen were seen dining out at the Piazza Vecchio on Tuesday.
Never mind the Concorde...
General Motors cite F1 intellectual rights not as general as you'd think.. A one-make series may not just be on the cards, but already under our nose!
Honda/Alonso link grows..
Honda's aim to return to the forefront of racing since their challenges in the 1960's do not come without trouble..
Fisi peels off another one..
Giancarlo Fisichella is adamant his "beefcake" calander is not a cynical attempt to raise money for a Force India drive despite it's title "Get Some Fisi In-di-a". Jaques Villenueve reportedly ordered 50, 000 copies during the calenders first week of publication.
Schumacher peels off another victory.
la-la-la.. la-la-la-la.. la-la-la-.. la-la-la-la!
Ferrari floodwaters rise.
The dam surrounding Maranello can no longer hold Ferrari's tidal wave of bullshit. Italian fashionistas proudly claim Red is the new Brown. FIA President Max Mosley has blatantly refused to concede the now empty colostomy bag could be used as a seperate fuel tank ballast.
If the cheque fits..
Frank Williams has raised eyebrows by pairing Nakajima with a Fosters grid-girl in his 2008 line-up
Stipe's coaxing for Lewis to "play" the F1 field has had some disturbing results...
It aint half hot Mumm
A new book detailing Bernie's antics during the Scumacher years have been likened to Mansell's "tugger" label in the 80's.
You like????
Murray Walker's matchmaker service is the best in F1 claim insiders. Just look at some of his success stories..
Raikonnen Doco a Winner!
The BBC Documantary on the life of Kimi Raikonnen uses sophisticated camera techiques to capture Kimi's progressive state-of-mind.
He's a rascal!! He's a rascal!! He's a Rascal.. Dizzee Rascal!!
Mercede's Wikipedia vandal was caught tagging McLaren's garage with the phrase "So extreme I rock the Mac like a vandal, light up the stage and wax like a candle.."
Duuuuuuuude where's my car!!!
Torro Rosso driver warns young karters about the dangers of drugs. Vettel was a late replacement for Casey Stoner. Macaluso was seen making a hasty side exit.
Does gum count?
"I found a Kanji!" - Japanese vagrants sift through the Fuji aftermath only to find the reminants of Ralf Schumacher's career.
It's just a jump to the left..
Nelson Piquet-Jnr impresses the F1 community with his rampant stupidity more and more every day.
It's Wiki-ti whacked!
It's like.. Not sweet. Lewis's Wikipedia profile cops a blast from Mercedes, although the German car maufacturer have admitted they are partial to his 100-metre dash world record.
A walk in the clouds...
Honda are bankling it's testing hopes on Keanu's monosyllabic data transfer.
Could do Wurz
Father and manager, Keke Rosberg reckons son Nico (seen here - blow-dryer not pictured) has benefited enormously from his team-mates lackluster season and that replacing him could spell doom for the German/Austrian.
Don't fear 'Brother Louie"
Fernando (pictured here with himself last year) remins eternally optimistic.. That 70's hit machine Hot Chocolate will soon reform.
The chunder from Down Under!
Spewing he didn't win - Webber inspects the disgorge from the RB3 cockpit
Suits you sir..
Jean Todt gets the royal treatment in Japan after Ferrari demanded they be given information in the manner they are accostomed.
I'm no ****wit!
Jackie Stewart's has come under derision from Max Mosely as being "30's music hall". But Jackie has penned many classics such as "Stop Your Ticklin' Max", "I Love a Chassis" and "Gloamin' in the Roamin'". . . but he doesn't claim to hold the same status as this man..
Gives You Blings!
As if he wasn't in enough trouble, Webber is earning extra dosh trafficking Red Bull via child smuggling.
Everyone's a Winner Baby!
Mark Webber couldn't believe his luck when he received mail from Maranello.. For good reason!
..This man sent it to him!
Mr Fusion is go!
2008 regs to take biofuel back to the future.
Mosley Mansion goes retro!
It may not be the McLaren Technology Centre, but Max's new pad rocks!
Ferrari 'Predators'
Ferrari have been using this makeshift ice-cream truck to lure drivers into signing for Maranello. The ice-cream is rumoured to contain mind-altering properties - as pictured below.
Remember when..
..David drove this Benetton to two World Championship?.. Nope, neither do we.
Fisi soon plans a 'Thelma & Louise' re-inactment.
Dream Weaver
Fernando's paranoia is said to be linked to this dream image..
No relations with that woman!
Lewis Hamilton had denied sleeping with Dido, citing no avid music fan would bang a pop-icon reserved for 30-something professionals who buy one CD a year...
..However Youssou Ndour has no such problem!
No sex please.. We're British.
David Coulthard has defended the content of his new book despite collaborating with photographers from Madonna's 'Sex' book. The strange fluid David is seen drinking (in this picture from the book) is from an unknown source.
Cornered!
Hamilton first ambushed by Ferrari's drivers and now.. Hollywood.
It's elementary retraso!
Fernando's race strategy was so convoluted it even confused Ron Dennis.
This enormous Pole will devour us all!
Professor Sid Watkins reckons increased intracranial pressure has given Robert Kubica a fat head or 'Reese Witherspoon syndrome'.
Not bad enough!
"I'm a geezer.. init?" Scott Speed, pictured with either Tommy Lee or Vitantonio (we're not really sure) has sunk to new depths and been ejected from Eddie Jordan's television show for wayward English youths.
Spyky deal.
Spyker (formerly Midland, formerly Jordan) are thinking of selling up shop. Rumours are starting that may return under Toyota Lexcen badging.
Cryo a go go!
An elaborate plan to improve overtaking in Formula One has led to an accelerated development in cryopreservation This picture believed to be of a cryogenically frozen mouse embryo was later confirmed to be of Kimi Raikonnen after a big night out.
Quentin's Chin-stroking genius
This trio could seriously take your eye-out.. Bruce Campbell not pictured.
From the mouth of a total fuckwit.
Eddie Irvine continues to astonish the Grand Prix fraternity with his vitriolic diatribe from the sidelines.. despite racking up less wins than Anna Kournikova.
Lewis runs cool.
Hamilton a believer in the Disney dream factory.
..and that's just fine with uncle Buck.. umm.. Dennis.
RFEA show their colours.
Spanish Motorsport body the RFEA have expressed their displeasure at the Alonso penalty.
Nelson goes back to school.
The three time champ is back on his learners. Alan Metter and Ivan Reitman are said to be squabbling over filming rites.
Fast Luigi Maca-Luso Screws.. Macca!
Dr Luigi MacaLuso - described by friends at A.C. Milan, Fiorentina and Lazio as a 'reputable man' - has thrown his pin-striped hat into the Ferrari spy case scandal. He is now thinking of suing the FIA over the disappearance of a large sum of money that was in the hat before he threw it in.
'They' did it.
Stepney was believed to have watched this film before the sabotage saga began. Some say he won't even use pronouns anymore.
It's the future! But only as Adrian Newey knows it.
Method in the madness? Red Bull are pinning their hopes on Newey's new 'Tron' concept car. Webber was reportedly 'unimpressed' while rumours circulating that Jeff Bridges may test the design are unsubstantiated.
Brundle scores 1st Hamilton Interview!
Brundle (microphone pictured) steals an exclusive with Lewis.
Flavio comes out.. In support of Todt
Oh yeah.. Briatore speaks to press from his African residence. Photo by Pete Townsend
What a pisser!
Wow! Yamamoto manages to piss more Honda money against the wall.
Still good to be the king?
Todt - "Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when Ron Dennis falls into an open sewer and dies."
I'm the best.. Sort of..
Ralph reckons he could mix it with Ukyo
Yes Mr Mosley. I do like Petit Miam.
School trip goes pear shaped for FIA.
The girl at the centre of the controversy.
Pablo No!!!!!
"Are you talkin' to mi?" - Is Montoya on the verge of a meltdown? F1 Racing staff think so.. Just look at those EYES!
Knowing me, knowing you.
Luizzi and Speed ponder life outside racing..
..and find something more special.
Noice one moit!
Webber does his bit for world peace.
Channel 10 sack hosts.
McConville.. Still can't recall EXACTLY how he won the Australian Formula Ford championship.
Greg Rust.. Rusty by name.. It's even sewn to his underwear.
Piquet takes aim on Jonestown.
Nelson brings back the biif - Ex-champ Nelson Piquet looks set to release his own George Foreman-style grill. All proceeds going to the Menard Foundation.
Poultry sum for 'Nando
Who are you calling chicken? Looks like Fernando would sell his sister for one.
But that's what I said!
Todt and Dennis - both huge 'The The' fans.
Who are you calling a square?
David - A big SpongeBob Square Pants fan.
Concusion discusion
Dennis In Hot Water
Have you got my good side? Don't forget I've also got Le Tigre and Blue Steel.
FIA summons McLaren
This is the FIA logo. Nice isn't it. Very circular and oblique.. Even indirect you might say. Not that there's anything wrong with that... Nice FIA symbol. . Good boy!
Hill Outraged.
"They was THIS big!" Damon Hill recreates his encounter with Michael Schumacher in a Turkish bath-house last year.
Luizzi gets bumper deal.
Antonio might be in hot water with the FIA, but his stickers are selling like hot-cakes on eBay.
Super Mario's Ready to Rumble
Briatore tight-lipped.
What me worry? Flavio plays it cool.
Hill, Jordan - form band.
Where Is Stirling?
Has Stirling gone underground?
Ferrari's Magic Powder?
The mysterious powder at the centre of the Ferrari investigation,
Bjorn LoBurg joins Honda
Honda's latest recruit.
Albers considering legal action against self
Albers cuts umbilicle cord.. From himself.
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