Bernie Ecclestone has defended reigning world champion Kimi Raikkonen's reputation as a fast Ferrari racer who likes a drink.
"Every time I've been out to dinner with him," the F1 Chief Executive told the Mirror, "he has been as good as gold. And he's even better when he's pissed! We had a great time sleazing onto women and stealing cars. There's nothing wrong with that.. By the way, if you're reading this Jean, you can find your 575 in the Arno river.. I think the keys are still in it".
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Kolles puts Fisi in a spin.
Force India have ended their test in Barcelona on the right footing heading into Maelbourne, according to technical chief Mike Gascoyne.
"A reasonable end to the test, although we did have slightly more problems than on the other two days," said Gascoyne. "Our main aim was to do a full race distance with both cars, which we managed to achieve in the end despite the red flags and Fisi having to be snapped out of a trance after being rendered catatonic by former Midland boss Colin Kolles... That ruski's got a real nerve turning up! He even freeloads off the catering department, it takes us hours to ship in what he offloads!"
"A reasonable end to the test, although we did have slightly more problems than on the other two days," said Gascoyne. "Our main aim was to do a full race distance with both cars, which we managed to achieve in the end despite the red flags and Fisi having to be snapped out of a trance after being rendered catatonic by former Midland boss Colin Kolles... That ruski's got a real nerve turning up! He even freeloads off the catering department, it takes us hours to ship in what he offloads!"
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Bernie goes bananas!
Bernie Ecclestone has again threatened Australian Grand Prix organisers that if they cannot meet his licence fees and hold a night event for Europeans too lazy to get out of bed on the weekend, he will be forced to sell the event to a politically unstable backwater run by publicity seeking autocrats.
“I’ve been in negotiations with “The Octopus” Group in Hondurus”, beamed a delighted Ecclestone. “They’ve assured me if the fees are not met they can more than adequately remunerate the emolument in bananas”.. “They also assure me spectator areas will seat no more than 10 and will only be filled by the ruling clique”.
“There’s nothing worse than dealing with the unwashed masses”, he said.
Banana trading company, Cuyamel Fruit, is also rumoured to be behind the deal
“I’ve been in negotiations with “The Octopus” Group in Hondurus”, beamed a delighted Ecclestone. “They’ve assured me if the fees are not met they can more than adequately remunerate the emolument in bananas”.. “They also assure me spectator areas will seat no more than 10 and will only be filled by the ruling clique”.
“There’s nothing worse than dealing with the unwashed masses”, he said.
Banana trading company, Cuyamel Fruit, is also rumoured to be behind the deal
Monday, February 4, 2008
"Spain not responsible" - Richards
Britain's Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton was the target of racist insults over the weekend while undergoing tests with his McLaren-Mercedes team at Montmelo near Barcelona, the Spanish press reported on Sunday.
Catalan daily El Periodico reported it was a group of Fernando Alonso supporters who were making the chants, but some quarters reported that Michael Richards, the ex-Seinfeld actor was the one behind the upheaval.
"Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f--king fork up your arse." Richards was heard to utter.
"He paced across the stage taunting Hamilton each time he left the pit" claimed a Spanish onlooker. "So we heckled back: "That was uncalled for, you f--king cracker-ass motherf--ker."
Richards retorted: "Cracker-ass? You calling me cracker-ass, puta?"
Richards was escorted from the circuit without further incident.
Catalan daily El Periodico reported it was a group of Fernando Alonso supporters who were making the chants, but some quarters reported that Michael Richards, the ex-Seinfeld actor was the one behind the upheaval.
"Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f--king fork up your arse." Richards was heard to utter.
"He paced across the stage taunting Hamilton each time he left the pit" claimed a Spanish onlooker. "So we heckled back: "That was uncalled for, you f--king cracker-ass motherf--ker."
Richards retorted: "Cracker-ass? You calling me cracker-ass, puta?"
Richards was escorted from the circuit without further incident.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Klien Summoned for Military Service
After missing out on the vacant Force India race cockpit for 2008, Christian Klien has been summoned by the Austrian army to do six months of mandatory military service this year.
The 24-year-old was on Thursday ordered to report for duty at Vorarlberg, the western province that houses his home town Hohenems. His hair was cut, his back was straightened and the surly curl to his lip was replaced by a bright eye and a strong chin.
After basic training in Texas, he will be sent to work as a Jeep driver in Freiburg, West Germany, far from the nearest recording studio or movie lot. Klien's's manager, the old carny who called himself Colonel Tom Parker, wangled a two-month draft deferment so Klien could finish filming 'King Creole' for Hal Wallis and Paramount Pictures.
The 24-year-old was on Thursday ordered to report for duty at Vorarlberg, the western province that houses his home town Hohenems. His hair was cut, his back was straightened and the surly curl to his lip was replaced by a bright eye and a strong chin.
After basic training in Texas, he will be sent to work as a Jeep driver in Freiburg, West Germany, far from the nearest recording studio or movie lot. Klien's's manager, the old carny who called himself Colonel Tom Parker, wangled a two-month draft deferment so Klien could finish filming 'King Creole' for Hal Wallis and Paramount Pictures.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Trulli dissappeares up own balaclava.
At the launch of Toyota's TF108, Jarno Trulli had to be cut, not from the vehicle but his own balaclava which he had put on back to front.
"Many press thought they'd mixed us up with the recent Tutankhamen exhibition", team principal Tadashi Yamashina said. "I've got kid's to feed! This is an absolute disaster."
"Many press thought they'd mixed us up with the recent Tutankhamen exhibition", team principal Tadashi Yamashina said. "I've got kid's to feed! This is an absolute disaster."
"I wish he'd never been born" - Coulthard
Ahead of the 2008 season, veteran Scot, David Coulthard has glanced over his shoulder at what life would have been like if the Schumachers had used a Jiffy condom.
DC: "Michael was such a large part of my career and trying to beat him was obviously very difficult. To reminisce of my best championship year, I finished second, and I finished second to him. So if he had just never been born then maybe it could have been different!"
DC: "Michael was such a large part of my career and trying to beat him was obviously very difficult. To reminisce of my best championship year, I finished second, and I finished second to him. So if he had just never been born then maybe it could have been different!"
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