Sebastian Vettel did what he had to do in the Brazilian Grand Prix and that was racing until the end. The German managed to overtake Lewis Hamilton with two laps to go with complete disregard to Hamilton’s championship aspirations.
I had no idea in what position we were racing," Vettel explained after the race. "I was totally focussed on Salma’s tits that I didn't watch my pit board once to be honest. It was incredibly slippery out there.. on track I mean and I needed every second to focus on her t.. the track.
"Hamilton ran a bit wide after Kubica overtook him and I could pass him quiet easily, but I didn't have a clue what Consequence it could have for Hamilton. I was just fully focussed on the tits!”
Monday, November 3, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Hamilton in a Hoff
McLaren staff are concerned for Lewis Hamilton’s preparation for the Formula 1 title decider at Sao Paulo in just under a weeks time.
Mercedes Motrorsport head Norbert Haug believes that outside influences are hindering the young McLaren charges focus।
“It’s that bloody Baywatch audition!” cited Haug. Ever since he sent in that audition tape it’s been ‘Hasselhoff’’ this .. and ‘Brande’ that!.. He didn’t get the part but we haven’t had the heart to tell him.. He’s even been training in slow-motion!”
Mercedes Motrorsport head Norbert Haug believes that outside influences are hindering the young McLaren charges focus।
“It’s that bloody Baywatch audition!” cited Haug. Ever since he sent in that audition tape it’s been ‘Hasselhoff’’ this .. and ‘Brande’ that!.. He didn’t get the part but we haven’t had the heart to tell him.. He’s even been training in slow-motion!”
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Bernie’s in Toyland
Draft plans for a Formula One circuit on the grounds of Disneyland Paris have been prepared, as the French racing federation considers options for the country's Grand Prix in 2010 and beyond.
F1 Chief Executive Bernie Ecclestone is desperate for his sport to move away from Magny Cours.
There are alternatives to Disneyland, which is about a half hour drive from the French capital, but it is reportedly Ecclestone's preferred venue।
The French language newspaper La Presse reports that Disneyland's owners Euro Disney, have devised plans for a temporary F1 track that extends 700 metres into the Enchanted Forest. Through the Mount Gushmore tunnel, and a 200 metre climb up Space Mountain.
F1 Chief Executive Bernie Ecclestone is desperate for his sport to move away from Magny Cours.
There are alternatives to Disneyland, which is about a half hour drive from the French capital, but it is reportedly Ecclestone's preferred venue।
The French language newspaper La Presse reports that Disneyland's owners Euro Disney, have devised plans for a temporary F1 track that extends 700 metres into the Enchanted Forest. Through the Mount Gushmore tunnel, and a 200 metre climb up Space Mountain.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tram company denies claims of ending Webber's race
Operators of Singapore's Mass Rapid Transit (SMRT) system have refuted claims that a passing tram could have caused Mark Webber's retirement from the recent night grand prix there. Red Bull Racing officials said after the race that the Australian driver's broken gearbox could have been caused by the static electricity carried by a tram line beneath the track at turn 13.
But according to the news wire service AFP, SMRT refuted the claim.
"There is no MRT track beneath turn 13 as the tram was running late that day.. When were running to the Russian timetable that particular day."
Webber added that he "won’t be validating my #%^@ing metcard next time I’m in Melbourne I can tell you!".
But according to the news wire service AFP, SMRT refuted the claim.
"There is no MRT track beneath turn 13 as the tram was running late that day.. When were running to the Russian timetable that particular day."
Webber added that he "won’t be validating my #%^@ing metcard next time I’m in Melbourne I can tell you!".
Monday, October 6, 2008
Kubica: the new Paddock Kingpin
Robert Kubica is swapping his tracks skills for work on a different type of lane this week when he pursues his love of ten-pin bowling in a professional competition in Vienna.
"I always try to explain to the people who don't know bowling, as a lot of them say, 'I hear you are bowling.' and they see bowling like a party game - where you go drinking beer and have fun," said Kubica in a video interview on bowling digital.com।
"I try to explain to them that it is really, really technical and really difficult। You have to have a lot of knowledge, experience and precision. I used to bowl as a way of earning extra cash for my motorsport career॥ That.. And having to perform sexual favours for my hideous landlady - something that is similar to F1!.. Well, at Flavio’s anyway.
"Fernando, he plays also. I always say to him, 'come out and play.' But he doesn't want to because he is shit, so he doesn't like that I beat him...maybe one day we will have an F1 drivers' championship for bowling.. So if you think you’re good enough.. Come get some kutas!"
"I always try to explain to the people who don't know bowling, as a lot of them say, 'I hear you are bowling.' and they see bowling like a party game - where you go drinking beer and have fun," said Kubica in a video interview on bowling digital.com।
"I try to explain to them that it is really, really technical and really difficult। You have to have a lot of knowledge, experience and precision. I used to bowl as a way of earning extra cash for my motorsport career॥ That.. And having to perform sexual favours for my hideous landlady - something that is similar to F1!.. Well, at Flavio’s anyway.
"Fernando, he plays also. I always say to him, 'come out and play.' But he doesn't want to because he is shit, so he doesn't like that I beat him...maybe one day we will have an F1 drivers' championship for bowling.. So if you think you’re good enough.. Come get some kutas!"
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Williams could’ve had Hamilton
Williams could have signed Lewis Hamilton in 2004 but their former engine partners BMW passed up the opportunity, the Formula One team's co-founder Patrick Head said.
Head told reporters that Hamilton and his father Anthony had visited the team's factory that year after falling out with backers McLaren while the Briton was racing in Formula Three Euroseries.
"They rang up and said 'can we come and see you?'," he recalled. "And they came in and said '(McLaren boss) Ron Dennis has dropped us'.
"We were with BMW at the time and I think Frank (Williams) rang Jacque Villeneuve up to ask for his baggy overalls back.. That was fine until we noticed a shit-stain from Jerez ’97 still in the crotch.. Needless to say our relationship with the Hamilton’s didn’t get very far”.
Head told reporters that Hamilton and his father Anthony had visited the team's factory that year after falling out with backers McLaren while the Briton was racing in Formula Three Euroseries.
"They rang up and said 'can we come and see you?'," he recalled. "And they came in and said '(McLaren boss) Ron Dennis has dropped us'.
"We were with BMW at the time and I think Frank (Williams) rang Jacque Villeneuve up to ask for his baggy overalls back.. That was fine until we noticed a shit-stain from Jerez ’97 still in the crotch.. Needless to say our relationship with the Hamilton’s didn’t get very far”.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Cyber-Sex Depression
It has been a well kept secret (until now) that a number of Force India team staff have been engaging in frequent rituals of cyber-sex whilst on the job।
“We worked out those mechanics having cyber sex had alarmingly high rates of depression, anxiety and stress and typically devote hours a day to the covert activity”, said Team Principal, Mike Gasgoyne।
The Force India shock sheds new light on the types of people who frequent online sex, fetish and swinging sites, revealing they are overwhelmingly male, well-educated, and aged anywhere from 18 to 80।
“Everyone except Flavio”, cited Gasgoyne.. “We get around 50 to 60 erotic e-mails from him each day.. It’s a bit hard to keep up actually! So we replaced our boring script with a massive dumb blonde script that takes up far less hard drive!”
“We worked out those mechanics having cyber sex had alarmingly high rates of depression, anxiety and stress and typically devote hours a day to the covert activity”, said Team Principal, Mike Gasgoyne।
The Force India shock sheds new light on the types of people who frequent online sex, fetish and swinging sites, revealing they are overwhelmingly male, well-educated, and aged anywhere from 18 to 80।
“Everyone except Flavio”, cited Gasgoyne.. “We get around 50 to 60 erotic e-mails from him each day.. It’s a bit hard to keep up actually! So we replaced our boring script with a massive dumb blonde script that takes up far less hard drive!”
Saturday, September 13, 2008
“#%^@ you!!.. That’s my name!!”
Lewis Hamilton’s love of David Mamet films was brought up recently when questioned about Kimi Raikkonen’s braking ablility..
“Well, that's his driving, that's all.. That is how he drives” explained Hamilton. “If you don't have the balls to brake late then that’s his problem! You need brass balls in this business, so if you can’t close shit.. You ARE shit!.. Hit the bricks pal and beat it, coz’ you are goin’ out!!”
“I made 20 million last year in Reebok endorsements alone! How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get from Bernie? You don't like it, leave”.
“Well, that's his driving, that's all.. That is how he drives” explained Hamilton. “If you don't have the balls to brake late then that’s his problem! You need brass balls in this business, so if you can’t close shit.. You ARE shit!.. Hit the bricks pal and beat it, coz’ you are goin’ out!!”
“I made 20 million last year in Reebok endorsements alone! How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get from Bernie? You don't like it, leave”.
Another Ferrari Leak?
The appearance of Ferrari's radical nose innovation confirmed that espionage could still be a factor at the Italian team।Alleged Ferrari spy Nigel Stepney no longer works for the Maranello based team, but the technical secret about the 'hole nose' nonetheless emerged in a torrent at Monza this week. Ferrari Team Principle, Stefano Domenicali described the deluge as “thick and coloured”.
In other news, Ferrari top brass are recently answering claims of racism towards English drivers.
In other news, Ferrari top brass are recently answering claims of racism towards English drivers.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Vettel, Heidfeld square off.
Sebastian Vettel and ex-BMW team mate Nick Heidfeld had a war of words over who was the dominant force in German music.
When asked the latest hackneyed question over what was on their I-Pod’s, the conversation got extremely heated:
Sebastian V: Any kind really, German folk songs are my favourite। Anything really, a bit of everything.
Nick H: No German folk music for me, more in the direction of R&B, hip-hop, not so much techno, more chill-out but various stuff।
SV: Why don't you like folk songs?
NH: Why do you like it, that's more difficult to answer, I think?
SV: I like the lyrics!
NH: I like the smile on the singers' faces, just like yours।
SV: Are you saying I have a ****-eating grin you hack?!
The two German were quickly separated by a fast-thinking Raikonnen॥
Kimi R: Haters hate when I’m winning, but I’ve been hot from the beginning!… I’ll fill your asses up with lead.. So don’t be pussies.. Or I’ll aim straight for your head!.. Word!
When asked the latest hackneyed question over what was on their I-Pod’s, the conversation got extremely heated:
Sebastian V: Any kind really, German folk songs are my favourite। Anything really, a bit of everything.
Nick H: No German folk music for me, more in the direction of R&B, hip-hop, not so much techno, more chill-out but various stuff।
SV: Why don't you like folk songs?
NH: Why do you like it, that's more difficult to answer, I think?
SV: I like the lyrics!
NH: I like the smile on the singers' faces, just like yours।
SV: Are you saying I have a ****-eating grin you hack?!
The two German were quickly separated by a fast-thinking Raikonnen॥
Kimi R: Haters hate when I’m winning, but I’ve been hot from the beginning!… I’ll fill your asses up with lead.. So don’t be pussies.. Or I’ll aim straight for your head!.. Word!
Webber: Senna was “A Pussy!”
Mark Webber has come under fire after labelling Senna as “a pussy”.
Webber made his comments whilst referring to the modifications made to Spa’s most treacherous corner – Eau Rouge।
"It is natural that guys will say, back in the day it was more dangerous, but actually what Senna and co drove, they were pussies compared to what Jack Brabham drove। The sport moves on. The real heroes were back in the 1960s and 1970s."
Mark later clarified his statement, saying that he would also win a fist-fight between Senna, himself and Eddie Irvine.Lewis Hamilton and James Allen are seeking legal advice.
Webber made his comments whilst referring to the modifications made to Spa’s most treacherous corner – Eau Rouge।
"It is natural that guys will say, back in the day it was more dangerous, but actually what Senna and co drove, they were pussies compared to what Jack Brabham drove। The sport moves on. The real heroes were back in the 1960s and 1970s."
Mark later clarified his statement, saying that he would also win a fist-fight between Senna, himself and Eddie Irvine.Lewis Hamilton and James Allen are seeking legal advice.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Hamilton Caught in Bad Taste
Lewis Hamilton had some of his luggage stolen from his car as he checked out of a hotel in Spain earlier this week।
The McLaren driver was leaving the five-star Palacio hotel in Malaga where his girlfriend and Pussycat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger was singing at an MTV event, when thieves ran off with two bags from the boot of his car।
While it’s believed only an advanced copy of Emmanuel Lewis’s ‘My Story’ and Hamilton’s iPod were stolen, the McLaren ace is reportedly eager to recover the iPod as it contained incriminating evidence from last year’s spy scandal; including downloaded copies of Coldplay, Westlife, Extreme, Hootie and the Blowfish, New Edition and Counting Crows।
The McLaren driver was leaving the five-star Palacio hotel in Malaga where his girlfriend and Pussycat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger was singing at an MTV event, when thieves ran off with two bags from the boot of his car।
While it’s believed only an advanced copy of Emmanuel Lewis’s ‘My Story’ and Hamilton’s iPod were stolen, the McLaren ace is reportedly eager to recover the iPod as it contained incriminating evidence from last year’s spy scandal; including downloaded copies of Coldplay, Westlife, Extreme, Hootie and the Blowfish, New Edition and Counting Crows।
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Raikkonen, Heidfeld disappoint team boss
Gerhard Berger, who at the beginning of the season tipped reigning champion Kimi Raikkonen to defend his title, has now changed his mind saying "Now I would put my bets on Lewis Hamilton”. The Austrian former grand prix winner, who co-owns the Toro Rosso team, spoke to Germany's Sport Bild magazine despite having no influence on Ferrari protocol॥
In other news, Hans-Joachim Stuck; a famous German driver who contested grands prix in the 70s and now heads up Volkswagen's racing division, claims that Nick Heidfeld should be replaced by Alonso next year।
New Zealand-born, Ulster Rugby Union player Isaac Boss, has also admitted to being “dissatisfied with Nelson’s Piquet’s progress at Renault”, whilst ‘Bruce The Boss’ Springsteen admitted he had “torn up his Torro Rosso head band” since Scott Speed had been sacked.
Hugo Boss is reportedly unhappy with the length of Heikki Kovalainen’s trousers.
In other news, Hans-Joachim Stuck; a famous German driver who contested grands prix in the 70s and now heads up Volkswagen's racing division, claims that Nick Heidfeld should be replaced by Alonso next year।
New Zealand-born, Ulster Rugby Union player Isaac Boss, has also admitted to being “dissatisfied with Nelson’s Piquet’s progress at Renault”, whilst ‘Bruce The Boss’ Springsteen admitted he had “torn up his Torro Rosso head band” since Scott Speed had been sacked.
Hugo Boss is reportedly unhappy with the length of Heikki Kovalainen’s trousers.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Briatore in Sand Trap
Flavio Briatore’s holidays were put on temporary hold when the Renault Formula One boss attempted to power ashore aboard his luxury yacht.
The Italian newspaper La Stampa reports that the 58-year-old, his new wife and a celebrity entourage were pelted with water and sand by unhappy bathers when they tried to land on the crowded Capriccioli beach in Sardinia.But the manner in which they sped ashore enraged beachgoers and parents, while 'terrorised children wailed between the waves', La Stampa claimed.
“It was like a scene out of Caddyshack!”; A frightened mother of two exclaimed. Briatore reacted angrily to the abuse, threatening to play Earth, Wind and Fire’s Boogie Wonderland at 95 decibels from his Sardinia Mansion.
“Let’s see how they like that!” Briatore responded. “I pay my taxes! It’s my right! No respect I tell you!.. No respect!!”
The Italian newspaper La Stampa reports that the 58-year-old, his new wife and a celebrity entourage were pelted with water and sand by unhappy bathers when they tried to land on the crowded Capriccioli beach in Sardinia.But the manner in which they sped ashore enraged beachgoers and parents, while 'terrorised children wailed between the waves', La Stampa claimed.
“It was like a scene out of Caddyshack!”; A frightened mother of two exclaimed. Briatore reacted angrily to the abuse, threatening to play Earth, Wind and Fire’s Boogie Wonderland at 95 decibels from his Sardinia Mansion.
“Let’s see how they like that!” Briatore responded. “I pay my taxes! It’s my right! No respect I tell you!.. No respect!!”
Friday, August 1, 2008
Mosley Photographed with Moustached Freak!
Max Mosley has been photographed with a strange man sporting a “moustache” during his court hearing over the NOTW publications।
The man, Gustav Linoski, who is also Mosley’s lawyer was thrown out of court by Judge Peters on grounds of “looking like a right twat”, and said that he would also dismiss anyone else under similar circumstances।
“I would gladly throw anyone sporting a moustache on the grounds that it is a sure sign that a person thinks himself a bit of a character, and is therefore unreliable.. How can he be expressing any kind of view other than puberty? How does he expect to win me over?”
The man, Gustav Linoski, who is also Mosley’s lawyer was thrown out of court by Judge Peters on grounds of “looking like a right twat”, and said that he would also dismiss anyone else under similar circumstances।
“I would gladly throw anyone sporting a moustache on the grounds that it is a sure sign that a person thinks himself a bit of a character, and is therefore unreliable.. How can he be expressing any kind of view other than puberty? How does he expect to win me over?”
Who Can you Trust?
David Coulthard has ended speculation about his future next year by stating he will fulfil a key role in the development of Red Bull’s KERS (kinetic energy recovery system), but he admits after recent developments – he’s not taking any chances।
"Part of my role for next year will be to assist with the development of Red Bull's KERS system. I'll be wearing a full rubber body suit to make sure that I'm safe... Formula One driving suits will become like fireproof condoms!. After what happened to Mosley I’m not taking any chances.. I mean if you can’t trust a prostitute anymore, who can you trust?”
"Part of my role for next year will be to assist with the development of Red Bull's KERS system. I'll be wearing a full rubber body suit to make sure that I'm safe... Formula One driving suits will become like fireproof condoms!. After what happened to Mosley I’m not taking any chances.. I mean if you can’t trust a prostitute anymore, who can you trust?”
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Kubica’s leading status a sure thing
Robert Kubica has taken his “un-official” leading man status at BMW to new heights by swapping roles with John Cusack for this weekends Hungarian Grand Prix.
Insiders believe Robert’s dalliance with the Say Anything actor has arisen from comments made by itv hack James Allen after the Canadian Grand Prix when Allen was overheard saying that Kubica was “no Brad Pitt!”
Cusack is considered to be an all-rounde; capable of singing, dancing, and acting at a professional level, but never outshining his female co-star and Robert believes the swap should hold no unforseen dramas। “I have flattered my team-mate Nick Heidfeld in the last two races this season, and he can’t even get through the garage without even knocking over the furniture!”
Insiders believe Robert’s dalliance with the Say Anything actor has arisen from comments made by itv hack James Allen after the Canadian Grand Prix when Allen was overheard saying that Kubica was “no Brad Pitt!”
Cusack is considered to be an all-rounde; capable of singing, dancing, and acting at a professional level, but never outshining his female co-star and Robert believes the swap should hold no unforseen dramas। “I have flattered my team-mate Nick Heidfeld in the last two races this season, and he can’t even get through the garage without even knocking over the furniture!”
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
McLaren drop anvil on Newey
McLaren's bid to keep up the aggressive development of their MP4-23 continued on Tuesday when they ran an anvil wing engine cover for the first time at the Hockenheim test
The use of the engine cover follows the trend begun by designer Adrian Newey at Red Bull Racing and since copied by Renault and Force India. McLaren F1 CEO Martin Whitmarsh believes copying the design is providing excellent value for money.
“It’s ****ing awesome!” explained Whitmarsh. “Not only don’t we have to pay for the designs, but we’re getting money back off Adrian after that 11th hour deal in ’04 that really screwed our budget. If you’re reading this Adrian.. screw unto others as they screw unto you!”
Newey is reportedly consulting the ACME users guide for ‘Advanced Revenge Techniques’ before making any statement.
The use of the engine cover follows the trend begun by designer Adrian Newey at Red Bull Racing and since copied by Renault and Force India. McLaren F1 CEO Martin Whitmarsh believes copying the design is providing excellent value for money.
“It’s ****ing awesome!” explained Whitmarsh. “Not only don’t we have to pay for the designs, but we’re getting money back off Adrian after that 11th hour deal in ’04 that really screwed our budget. If you’re reading this Adrian.. screw unto others as they screw unto you!”
Newey is reportedly consulting the ACME users guide for ‘Advanced Revenge Techniques’ before making any statement.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Webber takes a punt
On Friday, punters could place a bet on Heikki Kovolainen securing his F1 breakthrough at 23 to 1 - and Red Bull racer Webber fancied a piece of the action."I've put 200 quid on Heikki at 23 to 1, so I'm in good shape," he smiled in the Silverstone media centre. “Anyone else who wants a piece can come to me”.
Webber, who qualified second to the Finn was circumspect when quizzed if he was involved in ‘match fixing’.“Let’s just say I’ll be pitting on lap 3” he grinned.Pole sitter Kovalainen said he has not placed a similar bet. "I don't do betting. I try to earn my money in a safer way.. Pimping out whores!”
Webber, who qualified second to the Finn was circumspect when quizzed if he was involved in ‘match fixing’.“Let’s just say I’ll be pitting on lap 3” he grinned.Pole sitter Kovalainen said he has not placed a similar bet. "I don't do betting. I try to earn my money in a safer way.. Pimping out whores!”
Button and Hamilton size up
In a lively press conference ahead of their home race, the McLaren and Honda drivers got involved in an entertaining exchange that resulted in Hamilton eventually accepting the challenge after regular cock-fight runner Button offered to give money to charity if he lost.
“What if I say £10,000 to the charity of your choice if you beat me? What do you think?” Jenson asked.
“Are you trying to steer me off this championship or what?” Lewis replied.
Button then countered: “It’s the only thing I can be competitive in at the moment. Think about it.”
Then asking further pressing on whether the event would take place by the assembled reporters, Hamilton eventually agreed: “The biggest incentive is, if I do beat you, then you’ve got some money for a charity which is great. However, you do have an advantage as you’ve already done one, and I already know that by doing one you’re better the next time. But man, I’m up for it, I’m up for it.
He then added: “OK, let’s do it. It’s a date.”
The third British driver in the press conference, David Coulthard had already ruled himself out of going up against his two younger compatriots, with the Scot, heading for retirement at the end of the season, saying at 37 he “was too old”.
He did however offer to be “chief arbiter at the weigh-in.
“What if I say £10,000 to the charity of your choice if you beat me? What do you think?” Jenson asked.
“Are you trying to steer me off this championship or what?” Lewis replied.
Button then countered: “It’s the only thing I can be competitive in at the moment. Think about it.”
Then asking further pressing on whether the event would take place by the assembled reporters, Hamilton eventually agreed: “The biggest incentive is, if I do beat you, then you’ve got some money for a charity which is great. However, you do have an advantage as you’ve already done one, and I already know that by doing one you’re better the next time. But man, I’m up for it, I’m up for it.
He then added: “OK, let’s do it. It’s a date.”
The third British driver in the press conference, David Coulthard had already ruled himself out of going up against his two younger compatriots, with the Scot, heading for retirement at the end of the season, saying at 37 he “was too old”.
He did however offer to be “chief arbiter at the weigh-in.
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